Hello all of my lovely followers, and friends.
For those who can’t handle negativity, then this post isn’t for you. It is the quickest capture of what I’ve been dealing with that I could manage.
I wanted to write to you to apologize for being absent for so long. Yes I’ve been blipping in on occasion but I haven’t really been fully present for the outside world for a long time.
In the last Several months I have been slammed with major challenges in my life.
First dealing with a change in my job, a good transition into where I want to go but first it has an impact on my finances and and how I present myself. Some of you won’t understand what this means and I’m not going to fully go into this but needless to say I’m attempting to switch from being freelance to going through agencies. Means a lot of casting calls ;).
Dealing with home issues, such as dealing with Evie who was abusing her animals. Plus brought a live rat home, then proceeded to starve and suffocate it to death in our house then left it to rot for months. (The rat is Julian’s spirit animal)
Then I dealt with my primary lover(Julian) having his father die; leaving him an orphan as his mother had died almost exactly 2 years prior. We received an amazing amount of help from everyone through this. People gave either emotional support or financial and to this day we are extremely grateful. That being said, going to Colorado to pick up a loved ones remains and things, then deal with the funeral and figure out how to close that chapter of someone’s life is difficult.
Overlapping that Julian previously had been dealing with strange random sickness coming in and out. I think dealing with the loss of his father made it worse. We started to have to deal with an unknown sickness while still dealing with wrapping up everything with his father.
Then on top of that Evie V. who I thought was my friend whom I lived with totally back stabbed, ruined, lied, and basically destroyed our lives(or did a damn good job trying). Yes I know that sounds dramatic but it was and is and doesn’t even begin to cover it. We went through, and are Still going through a huge tenant dispute with much harassment. We had to move Julian out of the situation as his sickness came to a peak due to this. We lost our home, several months and a huge amount of money through all of this. Sadly some of our past friends decided to join in on her side in attacking us and we severed ties with them too.
We are currently homeless still. Although we are temp staying with Julian’s godmother due to him being sick and us not wanting to jump into another tenant situation that may be bad in the long run.
So now….all of my things are in two storage units. Julian has been out of the ER and hospital for a little bit but is still on an excessive amount of medications. We still do not know what is wrong. Every time we try to do things out of the house he ends up running fevers and becoming easily exhausted.
I’m still dealing with tenant disputes that keep locking my bank account and paypal. The car I usually drive is currently not legal to drive…….
I am exhausted.
I am extremely gun shy from the world. I feel like every time I check my email or go out in the world something crashes down on me.
So I have been attempting to rebuild myself. Rebuild what I want in life; what my goals are and what the next step will be. Also been attempting to add back on the weight I lost due to stress.
I have mostly not been reading my emails, I have not been really on any social sites online. That will change soon I promise.
I have a family reunion that I plan to go to around June 19th in Tennessee. I believe I will be shooting in TN and surrounding east coast areas after the week trip. Then I want to do the long awaited trip to Seattle that I keep putting off that will get my creativity a jump start. I continue to go to tons of casting calls. I now just need to make a choice about which direction I’m going to with my carrier ;).
I’ll be digging up all the photos that I’ve been getting from the shoots I’ve been doing during all of this mess. Lol they’re wonderful I just haven’t had the energy to post them.
Sorry this was long. I left out a lot.
Thanks for reading.
P.S. I am thankful for the tiny blips of happiness and joy through all of this. Let’s hope for more to come. Thank you to my lovers, my friends and my family for your understanding and support.